I’m shit at interviews. To be fair I’ve only ever had two in my entire life, being someone who has always worked in manual, outdoor, mostly cash-in-hand positions like yard hand, kennel hand, brash pulling for a chainsaw guy, weeding, cleaning, ragwort pulling, stone picking, .. where the interview goes something like; *talking to some random bloke in a pub/shop;
“You looking for a job?”
“Yeh”
“I know a fella with (insert species/asset) who wants someone to (insert menial/laborious/thankless task) on (insert day of the week) for (insert time period) he’ll give ya (insert amount, typically under €10 an hour).”
“Cool, ok!”
*fella writes down a number… yaddayadda.
Both my proper interviews were for my previous work-place. The first one I got, the second one I didn’t. To be fair a fella off the tele with previous head-gardener experience was always going to get it! A fella that probably didn’t say something like;
“To be fair I’d probably be relieved, like, phew, dodged a bullet there!.. laughlaughlaugh” *screen full of blank faces.. marks being awkwardly put in a box.
when asked how they’d feel if they didn’t get the position, would probably be a better candidate too! (face/desk).
Other things that still keep me awake at night are; being completely incapable of thinking of three words to describe my core values! Like, WTF! (They would have been good ones actually) and believing I had a viable chance! *literal cringe.
Suffice to say, I didn’t even get through to the second round even after having spent ten years working there! That shit takes a special kind of fuckwit!
But I’m cool with it! That was years ago now! My thirty kabillion ideas to do cool shit as a head-gardener can wait until my next time round on the planet, when I might actually get mature enough to play grown-ups… or at least get an education on how you do shit. *shrug.
