Rinsing

I don’t hold Facebook in particularly high esteem, in fact I think it’s one of the most toxic social media platforms out there, full of shitposts, spams, scams and hams spouting identity politics bullshit. Anyway, I recently went on there to try and drum up a bit of awareness of my next pop-up plant stall event here in Lismore. I posted in a few of the Irish hort-based gardening groups just on the off-chance they wouldn’t mind letting it through.. to be fair, most of them did! My gripe isn’t really about that, but it is related to a comment that was left.. which was thus;

“When advertising your business, can I suggest that you offer a prize to our members. Gardener's like a little enducement. Sort of temptation to buy.”

I’ve obviously become a grown up because all I did was shout very loudly at the computer;;

“Oh FUCK OFF!! YOU KUUNNT…”

and didn’t spend eons of my life scripting a shitty reply. I decided to explore the comment on my blog instead, where nothing can escalate into nonsense and everyone can either choose to stop reading and go away, or have a think about what I’ve got to say and maybe go.. “yeh!”.. or something and then carry on with their day never to think of it again. Anyway.

I’m wondering when this phenomena of having to be bribed by free shit in order to support a business started happening? I’m guessing it probably started in MMMericah, probably around the same time as margarine was invented and a way of selling the industrial by-product as a type of food had to be thought up. Big corporate fuckers are OBVIOUSLY the main source of this performative customer loyalty shit. They are making such massive profit margins they could literally give half their stock away (or pay third world workers a living wage) and STILL be in profit, only their shareholders might get a bit grumpy about that.

I, like most all other small business owners doing anything independently, particularly anyone doing anything with horticulture, am clinging onto financial existence by less than the skin of my teeth. Most small, independent business owners, particularly those doing anything in horticulture are already offering their work/products/time/material for almost no profit margin. Where are we going to make our money praise tell, when we give away little “enducements” to tempt people to buy my €5 plant that I’m actually earning about €3 on (not including my time) because my time on just that one plant, at a guesstimate is probably 30hrs plus, if it’s been on the nursery for a year. A lot of my plants have taken three years to get to a saleable point.. so.. you do the maths and shove your enducing up your arse! You’re lucky I’m allowing you the chance to purchase this piece of my heart and fucking soul!.. You Kunnnt!…

Also. You know when you call a builder, or a plumber or a solicitor.. do they give you free shit to help you choose them?.. I guess your one of these tedious wankers that delights in the prospect of a free pen when you sign up for a funeral package, I know! I bet you’re one of the fuckers that takes all the complimentary shower gels and soaps from the hotel room aren’t you… muttering to yourself like gollum;

“ooohhh… all the priiizizziz.. all the enduuusceementttssiss….”…

Here’s an idea, why don’t you just come and buy some fucking really nice plants and support a very small, and basically unviable business.. or don’t buy really nice plants and just fuckallthewayoff…