End Of Year

A friend advised me recently, “nobody wants to hear reality”. This was in a discussion about how shit my business is going. This year I’ve made the least money of my entire life, even when I was fifteen back in the early 90’s. According to my mate, most businesses are putting out a veneer of “everything is going great, it’s been the best year ever”, because the general public want to buy from successful people, not honest people. I’ve got a feeling she might be right. She also advised me that the reason my recent publicity in quite large publications didn’t land any jobs/sales/opportunities is because I’m too leery and gobby and appear too dangerous to engage with. Most establishments/people, want to work with SAFE people who won’t rock any boats, upset points of view or have much of an opinion either way.

I think she’s probably right to be honest. I could perhaps get away with being more obnoxious if I had the resources to be set up already and went to school with the right people, then I’d be called a card and have a huge successful, edgy nursery and probably a book deal with already four books published in a series called “Horticulture; the hard way” or some shit… but plebs don’t get the luxury of having an opinion AND having a career.

So. Here I am. Next year will be the last year I throw the last bit of energy and remnants of resources I have left in trying to “do something” with whatever it is I’m trying to do. If I’m sat here this time next year and I’m looking at the same financial reality, I will have to hold my hands up and call it quits because what I’m doing is literally an act of self-harm and I’m wilfully kicking any scrap of self-confidence I have, to death.

What will I do? Fuck knows! Probably go on the dole, get a degree in art.. or retrain in fucking forklift driving or some shit…